When the Chickens finally take over the World

Written by Kilroy.  

Chapter 1 (1/2/08)

Eddie was asleep in his padded room, dreaming of green jell-o, when a loud "CLUCK" awoke him. He grabbed his hammer, and jumped out into the apartment, and began to swing it wildly. "DIE VILE CHICKENS!!!" he shouted. Bob woke up, and came out to calm him down.

"Eddie. Stop that and go to sleep. There aren't any chickens here," Bob said, wishing only to return to sleep.

"Oh," Eddie said, immediately falling asleep on the floor. Bob returned Eddie to his room, and then returned to his own bed.

Eddie woke in the morning, and went out into the apartment. He was quickly attacked by a large chicken, who managed to topple Eddie over. This chicken quickly sat down on Eddie's chest, and four other chickens pinned down his limbs. Another chicken walked up to him.

"Hello Eddie," this chicken clucked, "You have known of our plans for a while now. I am surprised that you didn't see us coming."

"BOB!!! THE CHICKENS ARE ATTACKING ME!!!" Eddie shouted in an attempt for help.

"You will find that quite futile," the chicken bucked, "Everyone is in our work camps. We have taken everyone in this building and placed them under our chicken mind control, as we are about to do to you. We could use your help, 'Professor Eddie'." With that, the chicken placed a collar around Eddie's neck. As soon as it was done, two strange puppets popped out of the floor.

"Hello Professor Eddie," both of the puppets said in unison. The quickly noticed the chickens. "Professor Eddie is under attack!" They then began to throw traffic cones over the chickens' heads. They began to run around, bumping into each other.

"Call off your puppets," the lead chicken shouted to Eddie, who got up, picked up his mallet, and bashed one of the chickens into a pancake. "No. He has recently eaten the green jell-o. Our mind control won't work on him. RETREAT!!!" With that, most of the chicken tried to run away, but found it difficult with the traffic cones on their heads. The lead chicken managed to flee, and warn the others that Eddie was coming.

"Come my puppets!" Eddie said, "We must free my friends from their chicken overlords!" He pointed his mallet at the door. "Right after my nap." He quickly fell asleep on the floor. The puppets stood watch, to make sure no chickens made it to their precious Professor Eddie.

Chapter 2 (1/15/08)

A chicken lead Saya into a dark room. "General Tso, this human is becoming a nuisance. She frequently disobeys orders, even with the mind control. Why don't we just kill her?" A very large chicken stepped out from the shadows, and pointed a ray gun at that the chicken that had escorted Saya in.

"Private Sesame, I will not jeopardize their plan simply because you can't handle a troublesome prisoner! Now, what are you going to do about this?" General Tso clucked. The other chicken looked troubled.

"Should I turn up the power of the mind control, sir?" Private Sesame bucked nervously. The general continued to brandish the gun.

"Good thinking Private Sesame. We will increase the mind control on her collar. However, what will we do if she resists? Remember though, that turning it up can cause it to overload, so take the proper precautions. Dismissed!" Tso said, leaving the room. Private Sesame didn't seem happy. He kicked Saya, turning around, and opened the door.

"Just watch yourself General. Just because they gave you with the stolen shrink ray doesn't mean that they actually trust you," Private Sesame said, leading Saya out and to her cell.

~~~~~~

Eddie had awakened, and was plotting to overthrow the chickens. "They most likely will target the KFC's, they're natural enemies. They will probably set up their camps nearby... We shall save Bob and Neffy!" Eddie shouted, rushing out the door.

"But how will we do it Professor Eddie?" puppet one asked. Eddie stopped.

"...With a barrel of monkeys of course!" Eddie shouted.

"Of course Professor Eddie! Why didn't I think of that? You're a genius," puppet two answered. Eddie rushed back to his room, and grabbed his barrel of monkeys, and rushed out the door.

Chapter 3 (4/18/08)

Eddie sneaked around the corner of a large brick building, holding the barrel of monkeys as if it were a gun. He snapped into a shooter's stance as he popped around the corner, holding the barrel up in front of him. Nothing was there. "You're so cool Professor Eddie!" one of the puppet cooed, gazing at the spectacle that was Eddie. Eddie lowered the barrel, eyes darting everywhere, trying to see any chickens before they saw him.

"THERE IT IS!!!" the other puppet shouted, pointing in some direction. Eddie turned quickly, seeing a chicken conquered KFC. "We found it Professor Eddie! The chicken's hideout!" "Quickly Professor Eddie! We must rescue Bob!" the other puppet chimed in.

"I, THE GREAT SPACE-DWARF EDDIE, WILL VANQUISH THE VILE CHICKENS HOLDING MY FRIEND!!!" Eddie bellowed, rushing into the building, barrel drawn. Inside it was dark, all of the lights had been broken or disabled. Or maybe turned off, but that doesn't sound quiet as dramatic. Eddie stalked slowly, barrel at the ready. Suddenly, a chicken flew forth from the darkness, clucking and crowing loudly, its wings flapping ever so hard, barely giving it enough lift to do nothing. Eddie's thumb flipped open the barrel, and the monkeys came pouring out, landing in a neat pile on the floor.

The chicken gasped in horror, and immeadiately fled, its... butt feathers? tucked between its legs. Many other chickens fled in a similar way, all afraid of the awesome power of little red monkey kept in a small plastic barrel. Eddie cheered victoriously, but it was far from over. A large chicken stepped out, a pipe in his hand. "Why hello Eddie," it clucked, taking a puff from its pipe, "I see you have found your way here and taken care of the minions. Well done... But I, Captain Kung Pao, shall defeat you here! Prepare yourself!"

The chicken flung himself at Eddie, pecking viciously. It flew right by Eddie, having missed completely. He didn't even come within 2 feet of him. "Stupid monkeys... Must be throwing me off," Captain Kung Pao crowed, throwing a waffle at the monkeys, scattering them around the room. A fierce battle followed, during which one could not be sure who would win. Finally, Eddie pulled out his coolness enhancer, and attaching it to the barrel. The effect extended to the monkeys, and they stood up, and locked arms, circling around Captain Kung Pao.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" he cawed, scratching at the monkeys. Nothing would stop them, he had used his last waffle. "Looks like I'll have to rely on that..." He pulled out a remote, and pushed a button. Nefarious burst through the wall, a chicken mind control collar slapped around his neck. Eddie looked puzzled.

"How did you get Neffy to come out. I didn't think you could do that if he was under mind control. Unless you got a girl to kiss him, but you guys don't have 'girls'..." he stood in thought.

"FOOL!!! Pointing out continuity errors only makes us chickens more powerful! Now destroy him and I will reward you with even more candy!" Captain Kung Pao laughed as maniacally as a chicken could, and Eddie suddenly looked a lot like that scream painting. You know what I'm talking about. Anyway, Neffy rushed Eddie, who dodged easily.

"Snap out of it Neffy. You cannot trust the chickens, for their candy is..." he paused, purely for dramatic effect, "SUGAR-FREE!!!" The look in Neffy's eyes changed, replacing the rage with... more rage and fury. His collar began to smoke, he turned to Captain Kung Pao, glaring into his very soul.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?!" Neffy shouted. His collar exploded off his neck, and after a few minutes, Captain Kung Pao was a puddle on the floor. Neffy turned to Eddie, eyes still full of rage. Eddie simply offer him a bottle of Maple Syrup, and all was good again. They retreated to the apartment to discuss their next attack.

This fiction claims to still be in progress.

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